Bitch please, I'm Darcy Lewis
by Hornet394
Summary: Darcy hates her cousins. So when she's forced to attend a ball with them...


"Mum, I'm not going, no, I understand, but do you remember that she hates me? Remember the time she dunked my head down the toilet bowl because the cat killed her fish? All right, it was my cat, but I wasn't even home! No, mum, I'm not! Tracy herself already is a damn right bitch, and her whole gang? Are you kidding me? Aaaaaaaaaand it's just a charity ball, not some family gathering... What? Engagement... announcement? She doesn't need me for that. Mum! Fine!"

Darcy Lewis grumbled and cut the line, just to find two pairs of curious eyes staring at her. "What happened?" Pepper asked, sitting next to the younger girl. "It's the Richardsons ball... Apparently my dearest cousin Tracy is engaged to one of the Richardsons, and they're going to announce it on that ball. Grandma wants us all to be there for her. As if." Darcy rolled her eyes. "But it's tomorrow, sweetheart!" Tony gushed. "We so obviously have to prepare you up." Darcy scowled. "I'm not going."

Steve suddenly wandered into the room in a daze. "Miss Potts?" He mumbled. "I... uh... Peggy... uh... contacted me." Pepper's eyes widened and Darcy squealed, "Ohmigod! Your girlfriend!" Steve blushed. Tony smirked. Darcy was positive that the man had everything to do with it. "There's a ball tomorrow at the Richardsons' family hall, and she wants to meet us there." Darcy and Pepper exchanged a look, then Darcy raised a hand in protest. "What do you mean by us?" Steve frowned. "Uh, the Avengers, Miss Potts, Agent Coulson, and you?" Darcy huffed, Pepper smiled apologetically, and Tony sniggered. "Face it, Darce, we shouldn't say no to Capt here." Darcy huffed again and stood up abruptly, dragging Pepper up as well and into the lift. "Where are you going?" Steve asked. "Well, she needs a dress right?" Pepper sighed, letting the younger girl vent her frustration on her.

* * *

Darcy sulked as the car drove up to the Richardsons' manor. Phil- _yes, she had permission to call him Phil - _was conversing with Bruce in low tones, Pepper and Tony were trying to calm down the nervous Steve, though Tony was more destroying than actually helping. Thor would come later as he had to pick up Jane, and Natasha was dozing off. Darcy had no idea how the woman could still be so dangerous in five inches high heels. Well, she would probably be dangerous in anything. Clint wasn't here. Darcy sighed. In the most important moment where she needed her boyfriend hanging off her arms, he wasn't here, instead he was on a mission in Hong Kong. Bruce was going with Natasha, Tony with Pepper, Thor with Jane, Steve was going to meet Peggy, and Phil had temporarily agreed to go with Darcy to fill in. After all, he was Clint's handler.

The ball was already in full swing when they arrived. Phil, being the perfect gentleman, opened the door for her and escorted her properly. Steve stopped at the escort. An old woman, with brown hair, and spirited eyes, tears threatening to spill through. "Peggy." Steve choked. Darcy would have been very happy for him, if Tracy wasn't standing next to Peggy, a sickingly sweet smile on her face, an older man beside her. As Peggy led Steve away, chattering enthusiastically and emotionally, Tracy approached the remaining Avengers. "Hello, cousin darling! Welcome to our manor!" The man walked at front, talking to the Avengers, trying to impress them, but with the way Pepper was shaking her head in exasperated amusement, and how Bruce, Phil and Natasha were trying hard not to laugh, Tony must have been flooring Richardson. Tracy hung back to whisper in Darcy's ear, "My my, I never thought you liked old chaps with balding hair." Darcy spluttered, completely flustered, "I'm not dating _Phil_- he's my boss!" Tracy sneered, "Well, if I haven't heard of him, or you, that proves that you're still that lowly insect. And single." Darcy grimaced. "Of course, what could Lewis do?" Another of Darcy's cousin, Angel came up, with her cronies Heather and Gwendolyn.

"Darcy," Suddenly someone said. It was Bruce. "Clint's on the phone." Angel and co. left at the intrusion and Tracy went back to her father-in-law's side, as Bruce handed the phone to Darcy.

"Darce? How's life?"

"They're already pegging on me," Darcy groaned. "Wish you were here."

"I wish I was, too. Have a fun time with Phil. And eat all their food. I've only got a few seconds left. Love ya!"

Then the line went dead. Darcy handed the phone back to Bruce, sighing. As soon was Bruce's attention was captured by Tony, the four harpies descended on her again. "What are you doing now, anyways?" Tracy sneered. They obviously didn't see her come out of the limo of the Avengers. Figures. "I work as liason for the Avengers." She said. They didn't know need to know how immature the Avengers were and needed a babysitter-slash-partner-in-crime. Unfortunately, Angel took it as- "Still the working girl, huh Lewis? Better than being a poli-sci intern for some nameless scientists." Heather and Gwendolyn sniggered. "For your information," Tony suddenly said behind them, startling the four bitches, "Dr Jane Foster is the world's leading scientist and the Avengers reserved scientist. She's recieved numerous awards in the field and is one of the nominees for this year's Nobel Prize. In case you didn't know. Hi Darcy. And girls." Then he walked away to rejoin Pepper.

Tracy and Angel were stunned for a second. "Wow. That's why you couldn't keep your internship, Lewis." Heather sniggered, and all four bitches laughed. Darcy gritted her teeth. "FYI, Tony knew my name." She muttered. She was close to snapping when suddenly the lights dimmed and a single light focused on the stage and grandma Peggy Richardson nee Carter stepped on stage. She looked very like the photos that Steve had shown, except seventy years younger. "Thank y'all for coming." Peggy said. "I am very proud to announce that the annual Richardson Ball is about to begin!" The aristocrats clapped. "But before that, let me announce the engagement between my grandson Huggy-" The crowd laughed as Hugo Richardson mockingly slapped his hands above his eyes. "-and Tracy Lewis." The spotlight flashed to Darcy's 'blushing' cousin who was hanging on Huggy's- Hugo's arms. Darcy snorted. "Also," Peggy continued, "I am very delighted and honoured to have the Avengers with us here today!" Mumbles broke through the crowd. As Peggy continued with her speech, someone tugged on Darcy's arm. "Come on," Natasha murmured, "I'm bored."

The Russian steered her to the food, where Pepper had already escaped to. "I thought you had to stand next to Tony?" Darcy asked. "He can survive without me." She said. Natasha snorted. "Okay, maybe not." Pepper grinned.

As they enjoyed the cavier, Peggy completed her speech and the crowd dispersed. Pepper rejoined Tony, who was about to make an ass of himself, like he usually did.

Darcy slowly drifted around and ate all their food, as Clint told her. Well, not all, but enough. Luckily the four bit- cousins were milling around socialicing and gratefully left her alone. The Avengers were preoccupied with their own fanbases, so Darcy was just strolling around feeling quite bored.

Unfortunately, happy times don't last. Tracy claimed everyone's attention again as she walked up stage. "Again, as Grandma Peggy says thanks for coming! Now I'd like to introduce my cousins and family who came today-

Darcy tuned the names out until "-And of course there's little Darcy Lewis. She's content at working low, I think she's with the Avenger's paperwork or something, you know, a little post." Tracy sniggered, as Darcy kept her snarl from breaking through. Some members of the crowd were openly sniggering or giving her sympathetic smiles.

Tony, being Tony, intervened.

"Wait Darce, you mean all the time you've been handling our missions and issuing orders to keep our hides on and negotiating with extra-terrestarial beings you just have a little post and in fact you controlled us all though paperwork? Congratz Darce, you've even surpassed Agent's paperwork level! I thought you were our boss or handler or something?"

The sympathetic people were now biting back laughter as Tracy turned five shades of red at the mistake she had made. "Tony..." Darcy growled. "I thought that was classified."

"Not any more." Phil remarked dryly, suddenly emerging from behind her. "No way," She muttered, "Leave that to Pep."

People now threw her sidelong glances of either admiration or contempt as Tracy slinked down the stage. "Give the poor girl some warning next time." Darcy growled at Tony. "Or?" He challenged cheekily. "I'll tase you." She smirked. Natasha suddenly materialised from the corner of Darcy's eye. "Hey, look over there." She said, jerking her thumb back at the entrance.

There was Gwendolyn... and Heather... and of course Angel... and then there was-? Darcy stared stupidly at the man who was now trying to fend of the girls. Natasha nudged her. "Those wide eyes and slacking mouth doesn't look good on you." Darcy closed her mouth, and tried to be graceful as she walked towards him.

"-I, uh, no, I'm not single-"

"Come on, how can a hot guy like you be off the market?" Heather purred.

"And an Avenger that is," Gwendolyn sniggered.

Clint's eyes finally found hers as she stood at an awkward position behind the three girls. "Darcy, there you are!" He exclaimed in relief, and the three girls parted in shock as he came up to her. "I thought you were in Hong Kong?" She said stupidly. "Not any more." Clint grinned, and kissed her briskly. "Come on, I'm dying for food."

Darcy let Clint steer her towards the cavier, but couldn't risk throwing a glance behind her. Angel was still staring at them in shock, and Darcy grinned.

Darcy was happily recounting Tracy's great talk of shame and Tony's comeback when her phone started ringing. An insistent, fire alarm like ringing. The identical ringing came from Clint's pocket, Natasha's handbag, Bruce's shirt, Tony's pants, Pepper's hand, and Steve's suit. "Awwww." Tony groaned. Darcy flipped open her phone and all ringing stopped, but it had attracted enough attention.

The Avengers moved towards the entrance swiftly, Steve hugging Peggy one last time. "ETA five minutes. Yup. Agent Coulson and I will be there as well. I understand." Darcy muttered into her phone. "Time's Square Avengers!" She called.

"It was very nice being here," Darcy said to Tracy. Sincerely. Kind of. "But you know, emergency." She said sweetly, and hurried to the car where everyone had piled into.

"She's something, isn't she?" Peggy smiled. "Just like me."

* * *

**Okay, so this is like totally random. Sorry for not updating Beyond Hope yet, I'm working on the new chapter already. Read and review!**


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